From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

Why is self-compassion so hard? I think it's because we're human and we’re layered. We’ve been shaped by past experiences, expectations, environments. And often we’re our own toughest critic, especially when we’re in the pursuit of something new.

Last year, I recorded an episode about learning to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion. And lately that message has been coming back around again. I guess it makes sense…the things we most need to learn tend to resurface. And self-compassion, for me, is a practice I return to again and again, especially when I’m navigating uncertainty or sitting in the unknown.

For much of my life, my inner voice was harsh. If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve tied my worth to performance in sports, work, and even how well I could handle whatever challenges I faced. Sometimes I still do. A work in progress ok!? 😉

But something I’ve learned is that endurance doesn’t always look like pushing harder. Sometimes, endurance means sitting still. Listening in. Speaking gently to yourself when everything is telling you to tear yourself apart.

What’s helped me is this: Ask yourself questions

Questions that loosen the grip of judgment and create room for self-understanding.

Questions don’t always bring answers, but they do bring clarity.

They help me return to myself, not with shame but with curiosity.

Here are a few questions and reflections that help me shift from critisicm to compassion:

1. What if the game’s not over yet?

   This is a bit of a sports analogy, but it helps. When the game isn’t over, the outcome isn’t set. There’s still time on the clock. That means there’s more space for grace, growth and learning.

2. What would they think?
   We often worry, What will they think of me? Meaning critics, strangers, or people who aren't invested in our well-being. But I'm talking about the people who really know you. Your closest friends, your trusted colleagues. They know your character when no one is watching and can help anchor you when doubt comes in. I've found it powerful to revist their cards, texts, and voice notes.

3. What does support look like for me right now?
   Support looks different for everyone and it also changes depending on what season you're in. Sometimes I need stillness, sometimes movement, sometimes to share anything and everything on my mind (and unfiltered!). Sometimes it’s just to simply sit with someone who holds space without trying to fix anything. Asking this question reminds me that I’m allowed to have needs. And more importantly, I’m allowed to ask for what I need.

So today, I’m reminding myself (and maybe you, too): Ask questions. Go inward. Stay curious. Be kind. KEEP GOING!!